The Signs of Advanced Momhood from Chicken Soup for the Mother’s Soul
I’m currently rereading Chicken Soup for the Mother’s Soul, a collection of 101 stories to rekindle the spirits of mothers around the world. It is indeed very inspiring as a whole and it’s one of the books closest to my heart. Originally, my Uncle Brando sent it as a gift to my grandmother then she gave it to me when I became a mom.
The book is divided into sections, covering topics from love and courage to struggles and failures. It is a celebration of every woman’s life, delving deep into the most special and challenging part – motherhood.
I’m sharing with you one humorous section from the book contributed by Liane Kupferberg Carter, The Signs of Advanced Momhood.
The Signs of Advanced Momhood
You count the sprinkles on each kid’s cupcake to make sure they’re equal.
You want to take out a contract on the kid who broke your son’s favorite toy car and made him cry.
You have time to shave only one leg at a time.
You hide in the bathroom to be alone.
Your child throws up and you catch it.
Someone else’s kid throws up at a party and you keep eating.
You consider finger paint to be a controlled substance.
You’ve mastered the art of placing large quantities of pancakes and eggs on a plate without anything touching.
Your child insists that you read “Once Upon A Potty” out loud in the lobby of Grand Central Terminal, and you do it.
You cling to the high moral ground on toy weapons; your child bites his toast into the shape of a gun.
You hope ketchup is a vegetable because it’s the only one your child eats.
You convince your child that FAO Schwarz is a toy museum, not a store.
You can’t bear the thought of your son’s first girlfriend.
You hate the thought of his wife even more.
You find yourself cutting your husband’s sandwiches into unusual shapes.
You fast-forward through the scene when the hunter shoots Bambi’s mother.
You become a member of three aquariums because your kid loves a shark.
You obsess when your child clings to you upon parting during his first month at school, then obsess when he skips in without looking back the second time.
You can’t bear to give away baby clothes … it’s so final.
You hear your mother’s voice coming out of your mouth when you say, “NOT in your good clothes.”
You stop criticizing the way your mother raised you.
You lose sleep.
You use your own saliva to clean your child’s face.
You read that the average five-year-old asks 437 questions a day and feel proud that your kid is “above average.”
You hire a sitter because you haven’t been out with your husband in ages, then spend half the night checking on the kids.
You say at least once a day, “I’m not cut out for this job,” but you know you wouldn’t trade it for anything.
Published: 2013-02-15 08:18:04